Just what I needed...

I haven't been blogging much lately... I've been a little down in the dumps. Nothing specific is wrong... just having myself a little pity party of 1! And once you've "wallered" in self-pity for a while, it gets pretty deep and hard to get out! I couldn't figure out why I seemed to have this dark cloud over me and why I couldn't get out from under it.

Monday, yesterday, and today I attended a 3 day parent practicum (given by Classical Conversations) which really does a great job explaining different types of education models and specifically the Classical Christian Education model. I had a pretty good understanding from being a part of CC this past year, but this event really helped reinforce what I've been learning and gave me some new ideas for next year. In the afternoons I attended the tutor training - CC foundations (K4-6th grade) has parent tutors who model teaching the new grammar each week to the students and the parents and this training prepares tutors for this role.

Not only was this 3 day event educational for me... but it was also encouraging and enlightening (which is what I needed most)!

I am realizing that my "cloud" came from losing my focus. Rather that focusing on Christ and what He wants from me, I was focused on myself. I have been putting pressure where there shouldn't be any if I was truly trusting Him.

Yesterday we watched a video on a college who does things differently from any other college I know of... St. John's College. I just started laughing as I watched it. I couldn't understand some of the stuff they were saying! Everyone on there came across as extremely educated... like, I would be very intimidated to have a conversation with one of them because I'd be afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up! I was laughing because I thought... "Seriously? Would my children even be able to get into this college with the education that I am capable of providing?? I'm going to ruin them!" Did you get that? Let me repeat that and this time look at the words I've bolded: "Seriously? Would MY children even be able to get into this college with the education that I am capable of providing?? I'M going to ruin them." Me, ME, MEEE!!! Then, I just felt the Lord speaking to my spirit and he just gave me a little nugget... I love when He does that! I felt Him say...

You don't have to CREATE your children. I've already done that. And I've given them all of the gifts they will need to fulfill My purpose for them. I don't NEED you to do anything except what I've called you to do. I will give you everything you need to do what I ask of you.

WOW! Talk about humbling... but it also removed some of the pressure I've put on myself! And why do I even want to be in control?? I can only see a tiny portion of our lives, but God has infinite wisdom and sees all of eternity... He sees the big picture! But, still, it's a struggle I will have to continue to work through with a lot of prayer because I am... A. Control. Freak.

So here are a few of the other lessons I learned (or was reminded of) this week:
I don't have to be perfect.
My children don't have to be perfect.
Its ok that I'm just a normal person!
There is no magical homeschooling superpower.
I don't need this or that kind of personality.
I don't need to know everything.
I don't have to have the patience of Job!
I don't have to know what lies ahead.
I don't have to be in control. God has us in His hands and He is in perfect control at all times.
I am teaching my children ALL THE TIME... not just when we're "having school." Deut 11:19 tells us that we are to teach our children His commands when we wake up, when we lie down, even when we're just sitting around our home! God gave us our children and the high calling of making disciples of them. (Matt:18-20)

Today we read Psalm 121 which says:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

What an encouraging scripture! Sometimes I lose my Christ-centered focus, I get off track, and I focus on myself. I loved this reminder that God loves us with an everlasting love. We are in His palm and He watches over us with great care. He is ever-present in every moment in our lives. The Creator of the Universe knows and cares about every. little. detail. of our lives! He is in complete and total control!!

Our first year homeschooling

Whew! What a year! This first year homeschooling has been a whirlwind of an adventure. There have been a lot of ups, a lot of downs, and it has been a huge learning experience for all of us! When we first started, I had NO idea how this was going to work... with a 4 year old perfectionist who desperately feared failure and didn't even want to TRY ANYTHING he didn't know how to do, and a 2 year old (turned 3 mid school year) who was into EVERYTHING, and a newborn who relied on me every second of everyday. All I know is that the Lord was leading us down this path and... when things seem impossible and you just obediently follow God's will for your life not knowing how it's going to work... God shows off! He has blessed us in ways I never imagined.

The growth and change I've seen in Connor has been amazing! He used to whine every time it was time for school. He cried hysterically if he couldn't write the letter A perfectly the very first time he tried.  And so on. So our first goal before we could even begin academics, was to teach him the importance of a good, positive attitude and that practice makes perfect... and its ok to laugh at yourself if you try to make an A and it looks like a dog. :) And we laughed, A LOT!  It didn't take long and he was getting the hang of our new routine.  He stopped complaining and started asking, "Can we do school now?"  Ofcourse, we still have our struggles sometimes and we are learning how to deal with each one as they arise, just as we dealt with that one. God continues to provide answers.

The other surprise has been how much Dylan loves and wants to participate in school, too. I had to buy him some pre-k workbooks so he could be a big boy doing school right along with Connor. He likes to work on projects, colors, shapes, letters, counting, etc. He has learned a lot and enjoys it so much that I may start doing K4 with him this next school year even though he will still be 3 when we start. He may not be able to do everything yet, but that's ok... I just want to go ahead and take advantage of this love for learning he has. I have absolutely no idea how that will work because Dylan is SO stubborn strong-willed. Can't wait to see God show off!!

One of the biggest blessings this year has been Classical Conversations. The curriculum is amazing and I loved having the entire year planned out. I loved that Connor was able to go to class with other students his age who were following the same curriculum and participate in art projects and science projects each week. I loved that he gave a presentation each week and has become so comfortable with speaking in front of a group. I also love classical education and how much he has been able to commit to memory! But beyond all of these things, I have loved our CC families! They have become an extension of our family. Everyone (without exception) in this group has blessed our family in one way or another. Without them, I would NEVER have ventured out on the field trips we were able to go on. These moms just stepped up when I needed them (without me even having to ask) and took my children under their wings... and mothered them. What an amazing act of love for me and them! Even their daughters would plead to hold the baby to which I responded, "YES, please!" And their sons opened doors for me whether I had my hands full or not. Actually, just tonight one young man opened the door for me and when I said, "thank you," his response was, "it's my pleasure." WOW! Can I sign my boys up for lessons?? :) Those are the boys I want influencing my boys... and they are!

Here are some pictures from CC class (Abecedarians - Mrs. Garrison, Kenyon, Kalyn, and Connor):

The nursery with Ms Marita (Dylan, Chase, Jace, Keira, and Kenzie):

Tonight we had our CC end-of-year celebration. The children were recognized for their achievements this year as were the tutors, moms, and our amazing CC director! The children were also able to recite some of the facts they memorized this year. It was a little sad that this was the end of the school year... but now I'm looking forward to next year.  And for those who aren't returning next year... we will remain close because of the bond we've formed this year.

Here is Connor ready to go to the EOY celebration:

And then he made me take one with his shades... cool dude!

Picture with mom and dad:

 

Connor - Congratulations on completing your first year of school! You have done such a great job and you have learned SO much! You're now a Kindergartener!! What a terrific young man you are becoming!

Dylan - You have been so much fun this year! You have an amazing love for learning and you have so much zeal and energy! It may take Mommy a little while to figure out the best way to teach you... but please be patient with me. We can't wait to see the great things you will do!

Sam - You have a little while before you officially start "school," but you are going to learn so much from your big brothers. They can't wait to teach you the things they are learning now... Mommy is hoping you learn from their mistakes and don't repeat them. :)

We love you boys SO much! You have blessed our lives more than you will ever know and we know you will all grow to be AMAZING young men! Please remember: put the Lord first in ALL you do, we will always love you no matter what, and never stop learning.