Just what I needed...

I haven't been blogging much lately... I've been a little down in the dumps. Nothing specific is wrong... just having myself a little pity party of 1! And once you've "wallered" in self-pity for a while, it gets pretty deep and hard to get out! I couldn't figure out why I seemed to have this dark cloud over me and why I couldn't get out from under it.

Monday, yesterday, and today I attended a 3 day parent practicum (given by Classical Conversations) which really does a great job explaining different types of education models and specifically the Classical Christian Education model. I had a pretty good understanding from being a part of CC this past year, but this event really helped reinforce what I've been learning and gave me some new ideas for next year. In the afternoons I attended the tutor training - CC foundations (K4-6th grade) has parent tutors who model teaching the new grammar each week to the students and the parents and this training prepares tutors for this role.

Not only was this 3 day event educational for me... but it was also encouraging and enlightening (which is what I needed most)!

I am realizing that my "cloud" came from losing my focus. Rather that focusing on Christ and what He wants from me, I was focused on myself. I have been putting pressure where there shouldn't be any if I was truly trusting Him.

Yesterday we watched a video on a college who does things differently from any other college I know of... St. John's College. I just started laughing as I watched it. I couldn't understand some of the stuff they were saying! Everyone on there came across as extremely educated... like, I would be very intimidated to have a conversation with one of them because I'd be afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up! I was laughing because I thought... "Seriously? Would my children even be able to get into this college with the education that I am capable of providing?? I'm going to ruin them!" Did you get that? Let me repeat that and this time look at the words I've bolded: "Seriously? Would MY children even be able to get into this college with the education that I am capable of providing?? I'M going to ruin them." Me, ME, MEEE!!! Then, I just felt the Lord speaking to my spirit and he just gave me a little nugget... I love when He does that! I felt Him say...

You don't have to CREATE your children. I've already done that. And I've given them all of the gifts they will need to fulfill My purpose for them. I don't NEED you to do anything except what I've called you to do. I will give you everything you need to do what I ask of you.

WOW! Talk about humbling... but it also removed some of the pressure I've put on myself! And why do I even want to be in control?? I can only see a tiny portion of our lives, but God has infinite wisdom and sees all of eternity... He sees the big picture! But, still, it's a struggle I will have to continue to work through with a lot of prayer because I am... A. Control. Freak.

So here are a few of the other lessons I learned (or was reminded of) this week:
I don't have to be perfect.
My children don't have to be perfect.
Its ok that I'm just a normal person!
There is no magical homeschooling superpower.
I don't need this or that kind of personality.
I don't need to know everything.
I don't have to have the patience of Job!
I don't have to know what lies ahead.
I don't have to be in control. God has us in His hands and He is in perfect control at all times.
I am teaching my children ALL THE TIME... not just when we're "having school." Deut 11:19 tells us that we are to teach our children His commands when we wake up, when we lie down, even when we're just sitting around our home! God gave us our children and the high calling of making disciples of them. (Matt:18-20)

Today we read Psalm 121 which says:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

What an encouraging scripture! Sometimes I lose my Christ-centered focus, I get off track, and I focus on myself. I loved this reminder that God loves us with an everlasting love. We are in His palm and He watches over us with great care. He is ever-present in every moment in our lives. The Creator of the Universe knows and cares about every. little. detail. of our lives! He is in complete and total control!!