Showing kindness... It's kind of like t-ball.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

Kindness is a lesson we are constantly working on in our home. We remind the boys on a regular basis to show kindness (and gentleness!) to one another. We tell them about the importance of being kind... sharing toys, using our hands to hug... not to hit, letting someone else pick a game or a movie, picking up their toys or making up their bed without being asked, etc.

However, when we go out into the world; when we are away from home, I am usually so wrapped up in our errands and making sure everyone is doing what they should be doing, I forget to remind them of the importance of showing kindness to others... outside of our home. AND, I forget to make an effort to show kindness to others myself. There are SO many opportunities, everywhere we go. Showing kindness can have a huge impact on someone, even if its just making a point to smile at someone.

The bible tells us in Philippians 2:3-4, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

So today, we had a talk about that and it went something like this:

Me: Hey boys, I want to talk to you for a minute. (They came into the kitchen and I asked them to sit with me.) Do you know the reason why we go to t-ball practice?
Connor: So we can learn how to hit and throw the ball and run the bases.
Me: That's right. And why do we do that?
Connor: So we can get better.
Me: Right again! And why do we need to get better?
Connor: Hmmmmmmm.
Dylan: I don't know.
Me: So we can play our best at the game! Right?
Dylan: Right!
Connor: Oh, yeah. Right!
Me: OK, now, you know how we are always talking about showing kindness to each other and to me and to daddy? Well, that's kind of like practice. We need to do it here as much as we can so that we can get better. And when we go out of the house, to Wal-mart, or to school group, or to church, or anywhere else... that's like the game! We really need to show others what we've been practicing at home. I know sometimes we are really busy, but we still need to show kindness to others where ever we go. Jesus wants us to show kindness to others so they can experience His love through us. So, I thought we could make something to help us out!

I had typed up some acts of kindness and cut them into strips. Here are some examples:

Next I asked them to wrap each one around a crayon to curl them up:

Then we put all of the slips into a jar:

Me: Now whenever we go out, we can pick out 1 of these acts of kindness, and make a point to do whatever the paper says. And sometimes, when we have some free time, we may pull one and make a special trip to brighten someone's day.

The finished jar.



"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

Attitude: A Reflection of the Heart

Attitudes... they reveal so much about us. Our thoughts, our beliefs, our values.  They are a compilation of what we know, what we have experienced, what we believe, and how we feel about things. They provide great insight into our hearts. So, what a great resource for us as parents to peek into the windows of our children's hearts!  I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking about this subject lately, so I thought I would share a few things I've learned so far. We are still working on applying all of these concepts in our own lives, but these concepts are really helping us deal with some "heart" issues in our family.

We've all seen it. We all know exactly when it begins to rear its ugly head. A bad attitude! It may show itself in the form of a whine or complaint, a huff or puff, an annoyed stance, crossed arms, a grumble, a sigh, etc., etc., etc.  We recognize it immediately... but why do they have that attitude, what is it saying about their heart, how do we react, and how can we change it?

Why do they have that attitude and what is it saying about their heart?
There can be a number of reasons for a bad attitude. If we listen to what they say, their words can reveal a lot.  They may reveal an attitude to selfishness, pride, defiance, anger, or uncooperativeness. They may reveal character flaws such as laziness, discontentment, or impatience. Or they may reveal wrong thinking... they may have a misconception or misguided feelings about something.  If they don't say anything, but still are showing a bad attitude in their actions, its important to talk with them to find out the reason for the bad attitude.  When we understand the reason, we can address it and begin a process to change it.

How do we react?
Bad attitudes in our children can bring out bad attitudes in us. We can become angry or hurt by their words or actions. We can feel disrespected, unappreciated and irritated.  If we respond to our child's bad attitude with anger or harshness, we can give a mixed message when we are telling them to change their attitude when all the while, we need to change ours.  If we become angry, we may need to take some time to calm down and think about what we want to say before confronting our child. Also, if our child's emotions are high, that may be another good reason to put off the conversation. Wait until everyone is in a calmer frame of mind and can have a rational discussion. If we only address the bad behavior or words, and leave the attitude unchecked, we can be fostering a future lifestyle of bad attitudes, bad moods, and a negative mind-set.

How can we change it?
Changing an attitude takes consistency over time. It is not an easy fix that will take place after one conversation. Once we pinpoint what attitude, character flaw, or wrong thinking our child has revealed through their words/actions, we can begin discussions to reflect their feelings, let them know we understand, and share our thoughts and feelings with them as well as provide discipline if needed. This may take many cycles, but it needs to take place every time the bad attitude comes out because a child can have many different bad attitudes revealing different things that need to be addressed.

The goal is for our children to learn to recognize a bad attitude in themselves, think about why they have that attitude, and figure out healthy ways to respond to their feelings (taking some quiet time for themselves, praying, reading the bible, etc.) and change their own attitude.  God wants us to reflect an attitude of Christ. Romans 15: 5-6 says, "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."  As parents, we can help our children learn ways to recognize and change negative attitudes, moods, and mind-sets.

This has just been a brief summary of some of the concepts we are putting into action in our family.  If you would like to read more about this subject and learn some other great ideas/concepts (and see examples), I highly recommend the book "Good and Angry - Exchanging Frustration for Character... In You and Your Kids!" by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. This subject on attitude is covered in just one chapter. It is FULL of great ideas about the usefulness of anger, giving instruction... and getting your kids to obey the first time!, giving correction, accepting limits, teaching self-control and integrity, and more from a biblical view.

No one can see me.

Several months ago I took Connor and Dylan to Burger King and after lunch we went out to the playground so they could play for a while. There happened to be a lot of kids there that day (I think there was a school group there for a field trip because most of the children there knew each other). They were so excited to get a chance to play with so many kids their age and some older than them. They were all running around happily playing and Connor really wanted to play hide-and-seek. I was so proud of him for taking the initiative to try and start up a game. He was asking everyone if they wanted to play as they ran by him. He would say, "Hey, does anyone want to play hide and seek?" And, "It's a really fun game." And, "I'll let you hide first." They were so busy playing no one stopped or showed any sign that they even heard him. I don't blame them, they were just excited and having fun playing and running around... but Connor didn't understand. He just stood in the middle of the playground and started to cry. I had been watching all of this play out and I knew why he was crying, but I called him over to me and quietly asked him what was the matter. I wanted to hear the explanation from his perspective. All he said was, "No one can see me."

My. Heart. Ripped. In. Two.

It took me a minute to be able to speak without crying myself. I related to him and could remember having felt that way before. How could I express to him how special he is... what an amazing blessing he is... how much he is so deeply loved?? I explained to him that the other kids were just so excited to be on the playground where they could run and slide and do things that they can't normally do at home. I also explained that not everyone wants to play the exact same thing we want to play and sometimes we just have to join in what others are already playing and that I was sure they would love it if he joined in with them. Then I held him closely and whispered to him for a few minutes about how special and amazing he is and that he is loved more than he knows. He calmed down and continued to play, but I could still see a change in his demeanor... not as much pep in his step.

I guess that was the first time I ever saw him experience a heart ache... and I think mine ached more for him than I ever remember before. It is so painful as a parent to see your child hurting. Even though it is so painful to see my children hurting, I know there will be many more heart aches to come and I know there is no way to avoid them. But my prayer isn't that they don't get hurt... my prayer is that out of those heart aches my children learn humility, compassion for others, and to turn to God in their hurting. And, that even when it feels like no one can see us, our loving Heavenly Father sees us and His very Spirit dwells within us!

the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. John 14:17

Somebody Needs to Bring Me a Lemon!

Well, I have not been the most patient person today... and my children have definitely been trying it (1 in particular - I won't name names, but his name rhymes with chillin').  Anyway, we have all of the fruits of the spirit represented on a different piece of fruit:

• Love - a strawberry (fruit of love - think chocolate covered strawberries)
• Joy - a pineapple (they have a happy smell)
• Self-control - an apple (think Garden of Eden)
• Peace - a "piece" of watermelon (play on words)
• Goodness - a banana (because they are just so yummy!)
• Kindness - grapes (because you can share them)
• Faith - cherries (not really sure why cherries on this one) :)
• Gentleness - a peach (they bruise easily)
• Patience - a lemon (you have to eat it slowly)

So, we have all of the fruit on the fridge with magnets and when one of us needs to be better about demonstrating a certain fruit, someone in the family may bring them the appropriate piece of fruit as a reminder.

Today, I need somebody to bring me a lemon! I recognize that its something I have not been demonstrating very well today and I'm praying that God will provide the patience I need. Some days with 3 littles are very difficult, but I am so very thankful for every moment with them.  Even the hard days are blessings because they are learning experiences and it is on those days that I cling to my Father and draw closer to Him.

Being Content

When our children want something, it makes us feel good to give it to them. But, I have noticed as soon as they get what it is they want, they are on to wanting the next thing... its never enough. Today, it hit me like a ton of bricks that we are all like that... that I am like that. Wanting more is inherent in us.

Giving thanks is something that I remember everyday in my prayers.  I do give thanks, but I also always ask for more... more guidance, more opportunities, more financial security, etc.  Philippians 4:6 tells us "... with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God," so there isn't anything wrong with those prayers, but today I felt compelled to bow at the alter and just give thanks.  No buts, no requests, just thanks.

In the same chapter that Paul writes to let your requests be made known to God, he also writes about being content... "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." Phil 4:12.  Being content is a choice.  We can either choose to complain or we can choose to be joyful and trust in our Father, our Creator, our Provider... whatever our circumstances.  God knows what is best for us and everything we enjoy or endure is for a purpose.

Thank you, Father, for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and for the sacrifice He made.  Thank you for this season of my life I am in right now. Thank you for a faithful, loving husband.  Thank you for 3 beautiful, healthy children.  Thank you for the rest of our family who provide so much support and encouragement. Thank you for our precious church family who remembers us in prayers. Thank you for the roof over our heads, for clothes in our closets, for the food in our pantry, for the heat pouring out of our vents, and for the water that flows out of our faucets. We know that these are amazing blessings given by You and we are so grateful! In Jesus' precious name, Amen

Defining Thankfulness

This past Sunday, our church showed this video defining thankfulness... it's beautiful and I wanted to share it. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving... continue giving thanks... everyday... always.

Click below to view video via youtube:
Defining Thankfulness Video

THANKFULNESS...

BONDS FAMILIES

STRENGTHENS FRIENDSHIPS

UNITES COMMUNITIES

THANKFULNESS IS THE...

DEFENSE AGAINST MATERIALISM

ENEMY OF ENTITLEMENT

CURE FOR SELF PITY

THANKFULNESS...

IS GIVEN BY THE SPIRIT

WAS MODELED BY THE SON

HONORS THE FATHER

THANKFULNESS...

IS BORN OUT OF HUMILITY

SUSTAINS FAITHFULNESS

IS A PRE-REQUISITE FOR JOY

LEADS TO GENEROSITY

THANKFULNESS IS...

A COMMAND FROM GOD

AN ATTITUDE TOWARD LIFE

A CONDITION OF THE HEART

GIVE THANKS TO THE LORD

FOR HE IS GOOD

HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER.

PSALM 107:1

Our family worship play!

Chris and I started doing a nightly family worship time with the boys not too long ago.  We started in Genesis (and we are still in Genesis).  We knew we would have to keep it short and sweet since they are still so young, but we didn't realize how big of a challenge keeping their focus even for a very short period of time would be.  They fidget, look around, touch each other, snicker, etc., etc., etc.  It usually takes both of us correcting them the whole time. 

Chris wasn't home last night and I tried to do it on my own, and after about 4 minutes of Dylan running around and not listening to me telling him to sit down over and over again, the baby screaming, and Connor's attention completely focused on all of this commotion, guess what I did... gave up!  I knew that if I wanted to try this again and be successful, I needed a plan!  And, not just for tonight, but going forward... something to keep their attention and get them involved.

Tonight's lesson was on Pharaoh putting Joseph in charge of all of Egypt (Genesis 41:41-57).  So, I had them act it out and we did it earlier so they weren't as tired and we could do it outside.  There were a few hiccups, but overall I think it went much better than it normally does.  This picture is of Connor (Pharaoh) putting a necklace, as well as a robe and ring, on Dylan (Joseph).  Love it!