No one can see me.

Several months ago I took Connor and Dylan to Burger King and after lunch we went out to the playground so they could play for a while. There happened to be a lot of kids there that day (I think there was a school group there for a field trip because most of the children there knew each other). They were so excited to get a chance to play with so many kids their age and some older than them. They were all running around happily playing and Connor really wanted to play hide-and-seek. I was so proud of him for taking the initiative to try and start up a game. He was asking everyone if they wanted to play as they ran by him. He would say, "Hey, does anyone want to play hide and seek?" And, "It's a really fun game." And, "I'll let you hide first." They were so busy playing no one stopped or showed any sign that they even heard him. I don't blame them, they were just excited and having fun playing and running around... but Connor didn't understand. He just stood in the middle of the playground and started to cry. I had been watching all of this play out and I knew why he was crying, but I called him over to me and quietly asked him what was the matter. I wanted to hear the explanation from his perspective. All he said was, "No one can see me."

My. Heart. Ripped. In. Two.

It took me a minute to be able to speak without crying myself. I related to him and could remember having felt that way before. How could I express to him how special he is... what an amazing blessing he is... how much he is so deeply loved?? I explained to him that the other kids were just so excited to be on the playground where they could run and slide and do things that they can't normally do at home. I also explained that not everyone wants to play the exact same thing we want to play and sometimes we just have to join in what others are already playing and that I was sure they would love it if he joined in with them. Then I held him closely and whispered to him for a few minutes about how special and amazing he is and that he is loved more than he knows. He calmed down and continued to play, but I could still see a change in his demeanor... not as much pep in his step.

I guess that was the first time I ever saw him experience a heart ache... and I think mine ached more for him than I ever remember before. It is so painful as a parent to see your child hurting. Even though it is so painful to see my children hurting, I know there will be many more heart aches to come and I know there is no way to avoid them. But my prayer isn't that they don't get hurt... my prayer is that out of those heart aches my children learn humility, compassion for others, and to turn to God in their hurting. And, that even when it feels like no one can see us, our loving Heavenly Father sees us and His very Spirit dwells within us!

the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. John 14:17