A hard week.

I have been posting a lot lately about stuff we have going on... projects, school stuff, fun ideas, play time... and that's because those are great things I want to look back on and remember and reflect on.  But I want to make sure I also post about the challenges. I don't want to look back at these posts years from now and have it not feel "real" to me because, although we do have a lot of fun, we also have hard days... and even hard weeks.

I always feel so guilty complaining about things going on in my life. I see so much hurt and heartache all around me and situations that are so much more difficult than anything I am going through... or have ever gone through for that matter. I see those things and I think, "I need to stop complaining whining and count my blessings!!" Plus, staying at home with my children is something I chose and it's something that I love and wouldn't change for the world. But, the truth is that we all have hard seasons in our own lives - some last only a day and some last much longer. These trials are ones that the Lord allows us to go through and He has a purpose for each and every one... from just having a very stressful day to the worst tragedies we can imagine. No matter what the trial, though, they all affect us. And every trial is important because we are being refined through each one. We all have to make decisions on how we are going to handle these trials. Will we turn away from God or run into His arms? Will we question God's will and power and take control ourselves or will we trust Him and allow Him to guide us through these trials knowing He will see us through and perfect us as we come out on the other side? Will we lean on our own strength (which will fail us every time) or will we lean on the strength of our Creator, the Lover of our souls, and the Weaver of the tapestries of our lives?

This week I lost sight of those important decisions. It's very hard to stop and think about these questions when we are in the midst of the fog. And although I'd love to pawn the fault of my hard week off onto something or someone else... I think the biggest contributor to this week being hard was... ME. Yes, my boys have given me a run for my money this week, but they are kids... they're going to need correction and guidance and discipline.  But, I have been in the wrong frame of mind. I haven't had a good attitude.

I've stayed up late instead of going to bed when I needed to.  I've slept in instead of getting an early start to my day when I can be alone (to work out, have quiet time, take a shower, have coffee, etc.). Instead I wake up when the kids do and try to cram all of that into my morning and get upset when I don't have time for it. AND get upset with them because they want this and need that while I'm still groggy and cranky (I'm not a very good morning person). This just starts the day off wrong and it's hard to recover from it. It sets the tone for the rest of the day. I've also taken on a lot of projects... which I don't want to change because I do need something "for me" so I don't lose myself in the needs and wants of everyone else.  I hope that doesn't sound selfish. But, when I go out to dinner with just my husband and the ONLY things I have to talk about have to do with our children... it makes me sad. I LOVE talking about our children, but I also want to be able to talk about other things, too. Anyway... it's just a lot. I need to be able to work on my projects... but I also need to be able to put them to the side when things start to get stressful. I have a hard time with putting them to the side because unfinished projects stress. me. out. I don't know why. They just do.

My prayer tonight is that the Lord will help me to have the will and strength to get up when my alarm goes off... that He will help me remember those important questions when I go through trials (even the trial of a stressful day)... that I will answer those questions in a way that is pleasing to Him... that He will help me recognize when I need to put a project to the side... I will thank Him for anything that brings me closer to Him, even if it's hard... and I will thank Him for loving me enough to want me to be closer to Him.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12